Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
