You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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