We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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