so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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