I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
