so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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