Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
