You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
