summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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