dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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