I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
