At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
