i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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