Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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