the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
