The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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