apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
