I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
