New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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