Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm getting married
To pizza
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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