I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
