i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
