If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
