is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
