Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
