I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
