yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
how do you play pong handcuffed?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
