i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
