so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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