i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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