he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do vagina's smell?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize