If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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