I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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