I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
