3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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