Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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