Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
