pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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