I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
