Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Send help, water and tortillas.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize