Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
