i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
