Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
