Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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