She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
