i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no you cant smoke seaweed
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
