I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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