jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
