Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
