I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
