I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
