just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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