and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
