She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
