Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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