there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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