imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
