I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
