True but thats because hes a fetus.
i love accidental penises.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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