I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
