The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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