She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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