Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
