i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
