I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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