i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
