Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
