So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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