you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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